Pretty Blue Rose

life musings and inspiration


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Wednesday Wisdom: Quit the fight club

 

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I’ve heard for many years that I am hard on myself.  So when I heard from my coach from my leadership conference a few weeks ago in San Diego,  that  she observed that I am very hard on myself, I wasn’t surprised. More recently a former boss talked about the P word, perfectionism, and how I have very high standards.
So this past Sunday was a blessing. I actually caught myself in the act of telling myself off.  It was morning, my husband was out of town, and everywhere I looked around the house I was reminded that I did not accomplish the tasks I set out to do the prior week.  (even typing it now, I see how that was an exaggeration, I had done laundry every morning, and I made some phone calls about teaching dance) But I knew I was farting around with some other paperwork, both work and nonwork related, that I needed to do in order to move some things forward.
That morning, dirty dishes were in the sink, papers from my daughter’s school were all over the table, and I remembered how crappy I ate the day before… As I was telling myself off in my head about all the things that have piled up that were easy to do and that I should’ve done, but didn’t do,  I finally stopped to listen to myself chew myself out. I usually don’t listen because it happens so effortlessly, but I noticed my shoulders were getting tight, my back was hurting, and my breath was shallow. I listened to myself fuss  about not having edited pages in my mystery book manuscript, not having done the homework for a masterclass  I am taking, and being irritated I had not done my physical therapy exercises over the last few days.  Just on and on and on and on and on.
As I was cooking breakfast, I was listening to Gabrielle Bernstein’s book  The Universe Has Your Back, I realized what I was doing.  This was the moment where I was berating myself and getting ready to go into another work week with high hopes but inevitably there would be little to show for it because I would be exhausted from beating myself up. I took a few deep breaths and forgave myself for  the “laziness” of last week. I repeated it again and took another deep breath. Amazingly I felt better and then I started to knock out some paperwork and then I emptied the dishwasher. Such small things , but those things build your confidence that you can accomplish what you set out to do.
For the rest of today, it’s Sunday as I write this, I’m packing up my stuff and going to Panera to work on my manusript when my husband gets home. Oh! and he and my daughter can work on her homework, yeah that was another thing I didn’t do yesterday. Hmm… how did I forget that my daughter and I went painting  and had a great time! For some reason that doesn’t register as a win in my mind, I still think about all the things I didn’t do.
So I tell you this just to say try to catch yourself in the act of telling yourself off. Then stop immediately, forgive yourself and I promise it will change your mood. You will begin  slowly but surely knock out easy tasks to get your confidence back. Those micro wins help you feel like you can conquer the world.
Also, remember those who are struggling in Tx and the surrounding states right now. It should put things in our lives in perspective.
A.G.
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Wednesday Wisdom: Good Supports

No this isn’t a post about undergarments, although they are very important and any good outfit won’t look right if your undergarments are lacking…

This post is to cause you to think about those who you choose to keep around you, those that you let speak into your life, those that support you in life’s journey.

A few weeks ago I had the best convo with my closest girl friend from undergrad. We hadn’t been able to catch up in a while, but we made up for it last week with a 2+ hour phone conversation.

The best thing is that when I am done talking to her I feel good! And after that particular conversation, I felt invincible. I got to share my fears, my struggles, ideas, and hopes, all while problem solving my way to feeling inspired.

Too many times we value quantity over quality in friendships. We just hang out with anyone, and then wonder why when we leave the presence of some people we feel dejected and insecure. But we continue to interact with those people because we think we should, we are being mean if we don’t, or that something wrong with us–that we are too picky.

The reality is you must be very careful of who you let feed your mind and who you let speak into your life. Your life literally depends on it!

 

Now this is not to say only hang with yes people, or people that say what you want to hear, but real friends give you the truth in love and you can feel the difference.

I hope this was able to help someone:)

stay inspired,

A. G.

 


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Wednesday Wisdom: You ain’t crazy!

“Don’t mistake clarity for crazy.”

 

My hubby is super laid-back but he dropped that one-liner the other day that completely changed my day and stopped me from questioning myself.

So I’m being a little vulnerable here, but sometimes I get a very clear picture/vision/understanding of my purpose/calling–what I’m supposed to do in the future.  I am a visionary and dreamer, so that’s par for the course.

One particular day, I saw some things that were slightly different from what I had been envisioning for myself, but way better than what I had dreamt for myself.  I was brought to tears clearly seeing a possible future. I just became so overwhelmed with the clarity of the vision but instead of enjoying it I told myself I was crazy. So later that day,  I told my husband that I clearly saw some of my dreams manifesting even better than I originally imagined, and although I really really wanted to believe it, I just thought I was crazy and making stuff up as an escape.

After listening to me ramble for a little bit he turned and said “You’re not crazy, don’t confuse clarity with crazy.” Then he dropped the mic and left the room, while I stood there staring in awe.
I couldn’t believe how profound that was and how true it is.
Don’t start to feel like you’re crazy when you start to see the amazing things ahead.
Accept them and say yes!
Grateful my vision is clearing up,
A.G.


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Wednesday Wisdom: Letter to myself

 

 

Hey guys. I took a short break because I was in San Diego. (loved La Jolla, although I kept calling it La Holla)

I attended a leadership conference for work and few weeks before the conference started I had to write a letter to myself– about what I wish I knew when I first started leading people. The letter was given to me at the training, and I had completely forgotten what I wrote. But when I re-read my letter, I loved it.  I had gotten through a tough time at work a few weeks before the conference, so that was my frame of mind when I wrote it. I thought I’d share in hopes it would help someone.

 

Dear A.G.,

I want you to continue to trust yourself. There will be many people who try to tell you who you are, but all they can offer is what they see through their experiences and lens. Listen, but don’t internalize. 

Don’t be so concerned about how people perceive you, and don’t try so hard to manipulate how you are perceived. You cannot control what others think of you no matter how hard you try.

Learn not to take people’s bad behavior personally. People cannot give what they do not have. This means meet people where they are and if I disagree with their leadership style, find the courage to give them feedback. Don’t always take the path of least resistance.

Surround yourself with supportive people and mentors. Don’t isolate yourself when times get hard. Lean in to life and lean on people for support.

Quicker is not always better, continue to take your time with work and people, it always pays off.

Continue to take time every morning to breathe and start the day from a calm place. Remember you are not auditioning for your job. You know what you are doing and if you don’t, people and ideas will come across your path to help you.

Lastly, learn to effectively deal with conflict, especially with those in authority. If others do not want to be persuaded, learn to move on and don’t feel like you failed. Continue to have integrity and trust all things will work out for your good.

 

A.G.